Thursday, May 1, 2014

Tough Mudder Whistler: It Was Nice Knowing You All

So... yeah.

I am not fit.
I am fat.
I have no muscle tone.
I get dizzy walking up the stairs.
I had surgery in February that resulted in nerve damage in my abdomen.
It hurts to lift things and carry things and I'm not supposed to exercise using my ab muscles.

Oh... and I signed up for Tough Mudder Whistler.

I paid my non-refundable $160ish before I had my follow up with the surgeon. It goes without saying that I didn't quite expect the news he delivered to me.

Since signing up, I've seen the course profile. It is, in a word, terrifying. In several words, it's holy shit what I have I done I'm pretty sure I won't live to see my baby again.

Um, hi 16km mark. W.T.F.!?!???!??!

Look at his face. Now imagine what his balls must look like.

I wanted a challenge. My other Mama friends had decided to give 'er a go, so I thought it would be an excellent goal to work towards. A reason to run some of this baby fat off my frame. I'm not saying that I weigh only 10 pounds less than when I was 8 months pregnant, and I'm not saying that I still mix in maternity pieces into my wardrobe... I'm just saying that not being able to use my abs, coupled with all the health issues in the past 18 months, has rendered me quite... {{soft}}.

What's the big deal, you ask? Well, there are also obstacles along the course. So, barring the fact that my current treadmill record is 5.2km and 19km will likely kill me, all along the route energy will be expended doing things like swimming through a massive container of ice water (the "arctic enema"), getting electrocuted ("electroshock therapy"), and having to crawl facing the sky, in water, breathing through chain link fence. Seriously.

This is f*cking terrifying.

I actually lose sleep at night over it when I think about it. I really want to accomplish something that says I am strong again. My body works again. I can push past the obstacles, both physical and mental. And, you know, likely not walk right or be able to lift the baby up for the next two weeks as I recover in an ever-refilling bath of epsom salts while drinking some malbec straight out of the bottle. #ClassyMom.

You can bet your ass it's going to make an awesome blog post, even if it's "Hey, our car broke down on the way", or "I twisted my ankle putting my shoes on at the start line"... but still.

Anyone ever completed a Tough Mudder race? Tough Mudder Whistler? I'm mostly excited about bunking in a condo with two other couples and their babies. I'd say my priorities are in order, no?

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  1. i'm not entirely sure i understand how you'll be able to do all of that while not exerting your abs... so i will just say "dr carrie says be safe!!" :)

    on another note, kudos the the photog who captured that first picture. whew! and yikes! ;)

    on yet another note - *HUGS* for the stupid nerve damaging surgery. double yikes!

  2. I just watched some of the videos on the Tough Mudder site.
    I threw up in my mouth a little. But I'm sure that's just the fallout from today's run. Yes, I'm sure it had nothing whatever to do with the videos.
    How well insured did you say you were?
    Have fun!

  3. Oh wow .... My only advice, just make sure you're healthy for it. I signed up for the peachtree road race here in atlanta, GA which was July after my boy was born in may ... yea, didn't happen. Don't hurt yourself mama, there is always next year!!!

  4. SHUT THE FRONT DOOR. Well, see ya there lol. I registered two months ago. Looks like we can dietogether.

  5. my exercise is aqua fit. once in a while. not more than once a week. i food shop, too. does that count? good luck :)

  6. You can do it! My 50-year-old coworker did it last fall!

    You know they electrocute you right? That's the only reason I'm not doing it. Has nothing to do with the fact that I am also post-baby not fit.


I get far too excited when new comments come in here...