Showing posts with label asparagus your pee and you. Show all posts
Showing posts with label asparagus your pee and you. Show all posts

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Confessions

14 COOOOOOMMENTS! Now you speak up!
Let's see...

  • I mainly buy Asparagus for the free elastic bands. It's a great product-to-free-elastic-band ratio, because they generally put one at the tips and at the bottoms. Double win! Oh... yeah, and I get to eat the asparagus too.
  • God-DAMN asparagus makes pee smelly. I hope someone found this post based solely on Googling that phrase.
  • It is ALWAYS appropriate, anticipated, and welcomed to pinch other men's nipples after consuming large quantities of alcohol. FeyoncĂ©™ is wrong on this one. It's... like... a MUST, really.
  • When surprisingly faced with a skunk, in the dark, while walking your puppy, it is both eloquent and effective to yell "Shit! No! RUUUUN!" and run across the street in a blaze of chaotic skunk-odour-avoidance-measures.
Don't be fooled by those coy smiles; These buggers will force a dangerous, treacherous bathing process involving hydrogen peroxide, dawn, and baking soda. Usually around 1am. You've been warned.


  • Avoidance (to people, not skunks) is even MORE obvious over text. I feel the need to state that a reply is unnecessary approximately 6+ hours after an original message is sent. Unless your phone was off because you never leave the house. (Not that I know what that is like, AT ALL, people...)
  • My extended family contains at least one psychopath/sociopath.

C'est fini.


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