Easy Bean Salad Recipe (gluten free, too)

This was inspired by my excessively expensive bean salad purchase from a few weeks ago, and a new commenter on the blog. No, this isn't a food blog. Shush.

Here's a super easy (gluten-free) bean salad recipe that I made with my mom-in-law.

Upside down garlic infused olive oil with salt and pepper.

You can do it, too. Or not. It's not like most of you came here for a recipe, right?

1/2 can drained and rinsed chick peas
1/2 can drained and rinsed black beans
(or a full large can of mixed beans. Go nuts.)
2-3 cups cooked quinoa (it's gluten-free, super cheap at bulk food stores, and takes 15 minutes to cook... even *I* can do it) Also? Avoid looking like an idiot at the store by properly pronouncing it as KEEN-WAH. not Quinn-Oh-Ah.
2/3 of a red, orange or yellow bell pepper, chopped
15-20 halved cherry tomatoes (or just chop up a regular tomato, but it will be more wet)
As much cucumber as you want
1/4 - 1/2 sliced up avocado
1 medium shaved/grated carrot (it's too crunchy if it's just sliced)
1/4 red onion, chopped (optional, don't use it if you hate onion or your husband does. lol)
sea salt (or regular salt) to taste
black pepper to taste
whatever the heck else you feel like seasoning it with

Almost done this bean salad. I added in another 1/4 avocado, some more salt and grated carrot. Just waiting for the quinoa to finish in my rice cooker. (I'm lazy like that, yo). p.s. I don't know why blogger is rotating my photos, and I don't know how to fix 'em.   

Dress it with:
1/4 cup extra virgin olive oil (or whatever oil you have in your cupboard; Me and my judgy organic extra virginous oil are not judging you. *snickers at industrial vat of vegetable oil in your cabinet*)
2-3 cloves of garlic (allow to steep in the olive oil for an hour or so, if you can)
Lemon or lime juice to taste

Remember me? Don't be a sucker.

There are a ton of variations on the dressing, including adding in cider vingear, orange juice (not worth the sugar, really), and other stuff. Knock yourself out. But not literally, if you're cooking on the stove. Duh. Add whatever veggies make your tummy happy. Or your bowels. Or both. We all need some loveable roughage in our lives.

Be warned that most tamari sauces, malt vinegar, and lots of other mixes contain GLUTEN, because that sh** is in EVERYTHING. The simpler the ingredients, the better.

Be further warned that if you are not a big fiber-eater, your tummy might have something to say about all these beans the next day. Just sayin'.

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California Doomed: Airport Stylin'

So what can only be the wisest decision for my digestive system included not only the primary and secondary gluten assaults as provided by Pizza Hut pizza (mmmmm... blech), then a wonderful dinner at Kit Kat restaurant in Toronto...

I also figured it would only be in my most sincere and heartfelt best interests to go gung ho in the Air Canada fancy schmancy pants lounge prior to our flight to LAX (Los Angeles, California, for all you non-travellers or knowers of airport coding).

I can't help it. They have ever-flowing, always re-stocked tiers of cookie plates for any and all to devour.

Oatmeal raisin anyone? What's that? Oh, there's chocolate chip as well? Well fuck me and call me Uncle Charlie Sheen, full of winning tiger blood.

Well, not really. Don't do that. Feyoncé probably wouldn't appreciate it (and hell, I have no idea where you have been, what if you are a carrier of some horrendous STD or something?)

I digress.

So yeah. I was all excited for the gluten-free chick pea/cherry tomato/spices/olive oil salad. Had two bowlfuls. One of the employees looked at me bug-eyed, in awe of my (bravery? stupidity?) for consuming such a large amount of fibrous beans in a single ten-minute sitting.

What can I say, I aim to impress.

Speaking of which, WTF. I usually travel with comfort, and ONLY COMFORT, in mind.  
Feyoncé even commented with those EXACT WORDS.

As I have mentioned previously, I particularly despise the once-over twice-over I typically get from the Air Canada Lounge staff when I accompany my guy into their superior and fantastical territory (in my pajama pants).

SO this time... THIS TIME, I actually wore somewhat fitted jeans with BOOTS over my jeans. I know, fucking crazy. Feyoncé thinks the look is ridiculous, but I did it anyway to be STYLISH.

FUCKING STYLISH, bitches.

I was totally hot like this, all shadowy and mysterious. Sort of. Jeans over boots Babies, jeans over boots.

I say that now, with swollen calves, blisters, and sweaty feet. No one gives a solitary shit about what I look like at the airport, or anywhere else, for that matter. 

But I decided, "Hey! I am going to mother-effing California, y'all! They are all wealthy and fashion-savvy, and every single woman has breast implants and no grey hair! I better step up my freakin' game!"

So yeah. Um, I don't do stylish well. Nevermind stylish + travelling + cranky + gluten-filled-bloaty.

Also? The entire time I am typing this, I am fighting the fucking moron in front of me who is attempting to push their seat back with their entire strength. It's amazing what an upright laptop, strong wrists, and perseverance can do.

Fucker.


I'm pretty sure the small Asian lady in front of me will only be comfortable if her seat is pushed back into our departure port of Toronto.

Okay, that's not fair. I have no idea if she is Asian.

But I do know she is one of those assholes with no concern for others' personal space.

If I ever become the I-fully-recline-my-seat-and-don't-give-a-flying-fuck types promise me that you will shoot me or send a computer virus to me stat to smack some sense into me.

Anyway, have I mentioned how much I fucking HATE flying?

My wrists are sore from sitting in crouching-passenger-hidden-carpal-tunnel form, to keep her from crushing my laptop. It's the only force from stopping me from full on claustrophobia.

The next post will let you know how much fun the transition was from friendly (not really) Pearson Airport into that shifty, terrifying area known as U.S. Customs.

*I should preface the next post with a disclaimer that I am the hugest wuss ever, especially when travelling. Like, 5 year old mentality and calm, cool, collected-ness. (Read: none).

Yes, in the end I checked, she was a 4'-0" tall Asian lady. Who apparently feels like that little car that FEELS really big inside.



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The Evil (Skinny) Naturopath

So back in February my family doctor convinced me to attend a 'free' weekly nutritional information session in the Naturopathic clinic in the same building as her office. "It's free!" she said "It will be good for you!" she said "It can't hurt, you eat pretty badly" BF said (in front of her... damn, busted).

So I agreed and hoped to learn something.

After the month of lovely (read: nasty, but free!) herbal teas and VERY generic, top line nutritional information, we were encouraged to make an appointment with the naturopath.

Those of you who know me must realize at this point that cynical, skeptical me was on to their schemes from the beginning (I did say to BF that they will totally try to sell nutritional stuff). Also, you will know I fearlessly speak my mind and can't be pressured into uncomfortable situations by people I perceive to be smarter or in some type of position of power (you know, pretty much ANY combination of letters after their name). Stop laughing!!

SO I BOOKED ME AN APPOINTMENT! YAY! ER.... Read on. (See? Willpower of steel, bitches).

She was very skinny, trendy, well dressed, perfectly coiffed, intense. I was intimidated immediately. We then spent the next 6 hours reviewing my medical history and all the shizz that's wrong with me. (Again, I NEVER dramatize, but I still think it was just under 2 hours... I'm THAT special!). You can decide what kind of special.

Approximation of thinness and height of evil Naturopath

Her conclusion:
All kinds of problems that could only be solved by spending money on:

• "liver cleansing" (because she could practically *SEE* how dirty my ole' liver was)
• "candida eradication" (because that stuff normally occurs in every human being on earth, but it was likely the root of all my evil health stuff, so let's kill that shizz!) and 
• I don't even know what else. But there was more

But it wasn't the supplements that made her evil. Oh no. It was the following diabolical scheme between her and the nutritionist. She happened to mention that I could no longer eat the following:

• dairy
• wheat
• soy/tofu
• caffeine
• eggs
• nuts (other than cashew and macadamia) (side note, allergic to cashews, hate macadamias) (extra edit - didn't know I couldn't eat cashews until 4 months after this)
• corn
• ANYTHING with sugar. Including fruit.
• Yes, that's right, no fruit
• beans
• nightshade vegetables (I'm not even sure what they all are, but I was told no peppers, eggplant, tomatoes, potatoes, too)
• Anything with gluten

I can have NONE of these yummy things! (Photo credit)

I think there's more, but if you pick up a container of anything around you, you will find at least two of these ingredients in there. I guarantee it. (Well maybe not hot, muscle-y abs, but the rest).

And that is how I started this horrible diet-change journey. It was necessary to stop the constant nausea and stomach pain and bloat.... but it's been soooooooooooooooo hard.

The skinny evil Naturopath mentioned this casually, then she floated back to her office, telling me to make a follow up visit.

Did I mention I was already vegetarian? Yeah, seriously.

I now have a love/hate (mostly hate) relationship with rice. 'Cause it is kinda all I can eat.

But you know what? I am SUCH a rebel, I eat some fruit, or watered down fruit juice, sometimes even DAILY now. I bet you all had no idea that I am such a badass.

Yup. Badass.

I'm going to make gluten-free crusted pizza.... WITH CHEESE~!

SO badass it hurts. No wait... that's my stomach that will be hurting tomorrow.....

So, on the day I was     this.close   to fainting before getting into my car, because my sugar was so low, I decided I needed another naturopath.

Damned if she didn't tell me the same things. And sell me more shizz. And I bought it.
BUT - SHE said I could have chocolate occasionally!!! (therefore she is not evil).

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