Someone Thinks I'm Versatile! (Everyone Else Just Thinks I'm Crazy)

So through random algorithms produced by the interwebs, Sam over at A Redhead Named Sam felt it fitting to bestow the Versatile Blogger award on little ole me.

I have most certainly been called worse...  ;-)

*blushing*

Sam has described me, and I quote:

"Random is right...there really isn't a cohesive theme to this blog unless you consider humor and randomness a theme. I guess, in that context, it is. Anyway...moving on. If you like The Bloggess, you'll probably enjoy this one too. *I* enjoy it - if that influences your decision at all. ;)"

Thanks for the award, Sam!

I am supposed to:
1.) Tell all of you 7 facts about myself.
2.) Tag 7 of fellow bloggers to do the same.

Facts Away!

1) I can always tell what kind of silverware I am pulling out of the clean dishwasher rack before seeing it, just based on the weight (e.g. knife, spoon, fork). I am eerily accurate. It is a totally and completely useless skill. And apparently my number one fact about myself

2) Lately I have not felt the slightest bit funny, had the slightest desire to blog, nor feel that I have had any quality content. I have also failed to deliver two guests posts.

3) I consistently scratch the crack of my butt with my engagement ring. It's big and sharp and continually reminds me that I should be using a washcloth. Also reminds me that I will likely blind small children and puppies with this bad boy. (Look out, Ella!)

4) I love love LOVE Stephen Colbert and think he is hilarious. Only in character. The only time I like him out of character is when he is still technically in character, but is cracking up laughing trying to stay IN character. He consistently makes me laugh and I love it. I've also seen Jon Stewart in stand up comedy twice, and the first time, I laughed so hard that my stomach was killing me and my cheeks hurt from smiling for so long.

Stevie boy is on the right. I LOVE him!

5) I watched 3 seasons of True Blood over the course of a long weekend, non-stop back to back. I ate, slept, dreamed everything Bill and Sookie. It's so bad it is good. I love True Blood. (Do the things I like count as things about me? No? Too bad).

6) =
=
[

(Ella, the puppy, typed that one for me).

real #6: I am dying to go to one of those gorgeous over-water bungalows in Bora Bora where you can walk right from your hut into the water. They are stunning and RIDICULOUSLY expensive. A girl can dream.

This goes into the mother-frikken OCEAN. It's pure paradise in Bora Bora! Me want!

7) I always ask Feyoncé to play online Scrabble, then bitch and moan the ENTIRE time because I have shitty letters/no idea what words to make/am losing/know I will lose/used to kick his butt, but never do any more.

The following are 7 neat blogs that you should check out if you haven't already:

1) D'Artagnan ("Dee") over at Support Your Own Agenda
2) Mrs. Hyde over at A Bitch Called Mom
3) Brucie over at JADIP
4) Kage over at Sex, Sequins + Sociopaths
5) Jewels over at Jewels Turning 30 (aka Turning 30: A Journey of Self Exploration)
6) Oilfield Trash over at his accurate 10% theory blog, Make Daddy A Sammich
7) Jeff over at Content Unrelated

Check 'em out.

Later gators.

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A Quick Apology & Award

In my infinite quest for mastering all things Google/Gmail/Blogger/Buzz, I managed to remove myself from many (if not ALL) of the blogs I had previously been "following".

So if you awoke one morning and were one less follower, and thought "what asshole disliked me enough to unfollow? Seriously? Who does that? I mean, the joy that "following" provides is so immense... a person could just "follow" and never come back if they wanted to, yet some asshole felt it necessary to "unfollow" me? WTF? Who does that? Seriously??... Really?? Seriously?"

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Why Does My House Smell Like Omelettes?

Oh... probably because I played the Swedish Chef from the Muppets, and fried the shit out of some red onion, peppers and tomatoes... oh, and added some eggs, playing omelette chef today before I nearly missed the last GO Transit train into downtown Toronto.

Bork, bork, bork!

Nice to come home to a house that smells like the omelette-that-once-was (read: fried-freakin'-onions). Hey, at least the shizz stayed down.

Also? I successfully navigated the TTC (subway) and the GO Train home after a few Smirnoff Ices and some blue Vex lemonade-like sugar-drink (and the accompanying gut-rot). All while wearing an MP3 player and fearing every moving thing around me (like any good policeman's daughter would)!

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Milestones and Shiny Dog Poop

So first off, you guys all effing RULE because that last post on Adam Levine, nuts, butts and soap shards? HIGHEST COMMENT COUNT EVER. Yes, some of mine are in there, but still! 37 or so thoughts on the subject is pretty big for me, and is appreciated more than you know!

You guys are awesome.

Also? Thanks to Bruce who has brought me up to 70 awesome folks willing to push the "Follow" button for this here itty bitty blog.

In case you were wondering, in terms of highest number of comments, bringing up the rear was Sparkling Clean Colon? (See what I did there? Do ya? DO YA??) with 26 comments. If you haven't read it, you should. I am all about pride, privacy, and appropriateness at all times.

Stop laughing!

On to other things. Two nights ago Schultz ate my last 300gram bag of Lindt Lindor chocolates, that were individually wrapped in tinfoil, made to look like tree ornaments. He got all but three.

You should probably know that:
A) Chocolate is toxic to dogs.
B) I fucking WANTED those chocolates for breakfast. EXPECTED it.
C) The ornaments also had strings, so foil and string are currently working their way through Schultz' intestines.
D) I didn't know he would possibly want or steal wrapped food. Only Scooby had a taste for Lindor chocolates.
E) I ate two of the white chocolate ones before going to bed.
F) He missed one dark chocolate one (my least favourite) in the couch cushions. Either that, or he didn't like those ones either.

Well, since he ate them Tuesday night, I have been accompanying him out in the snow to make sure all bodily functions are proceeding as normal. I found red Lindor tinfoil in his poop today. (Yes I checked. I could see it glimmering from a distance... the things a mother does...)

And know what? I cleaned it up right away so -
wait for it -
hope you haven't eaten/aren't eating -
you ready? -

So that he wouldn't be tempted by the aftermath into enjoying it a second time.

Disgusting I know.

You're welcome.

Anyone else find any treasure lately? Anything interesting/piss-offedness-inducing happen to you? Share, share.
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Shameless Friend Website Whoring - Canadian Tax Time!

Hey Y'all.

You know how this blog-circle-of-life, I scratch your  scrotum  back you scratch mine, I'll  whore help you out, you help me now and again?

Okay, well this is slightly different. I have a friend (who is much classier than I and likely doesn't approve of the words 'scrotum' or 'whore' used in connection to their website) has created an easy online tool that helps you figure out where to throw your Canadian money before you file your income tax to the CRA (Canada Revenue Agency).


Here is my quick plug for the FREE Canadian Tax Tool Site Here [edit: site is now defunct... he stopped paying for the url]. Check it out if you so desire. It works for any province and will help you make some choices for filing your taxes. I make no money if you click it, and the website owner only makes money if you click on ads. So, basically, you benefit, and my friend got to learn a boatload of HTML coding. You're welcome.

All that TFSA (tax free saving account) versus the ole RRSP (Registered Retirement Savings Plan) stuff is there. I won't pretend to understand it, because I am a mere humour blogger/simpleton who only ever hopes not to have to PAY taxes, but receive a tax REFUND. All I know is that there is a cut off for RRSP contributions, so get your shizz together, Canadians!

It's no H&R Block, but it's free, so, shush.

A screen shot, and no, I didn't get to edit the text first. I'll tell ya where you can put your money....

I've been back from vacation for only two days and already a lot of the funny is starting to escape my feeble mind. I should work on posts, but am trying to work on maintaining my sanity first (did you know that is full time work, for a girl like me?).

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OhMyFreakin'Goodness!

I go off for a week to be violently ill, function minimally in society, fear coming into work late and working only when able to get out of the house....

and you awesome people continue to read and follow!

I was all secretly, eagerly anticipating the 50-follower mark (what, you VALIDATE me *say it like Dr. Evil*)

Thanks to everyone for your continued support. It's been a rough week and there are several more ahead, but your comments, interaction and support are awesome!

If you haven't read my most recent adventure, read about it here. Pin It Now!

Two New Blog Awards!

So I assume other people are bored when I post about blog awards gifted to me by other bloggers, but when other people who write similarly and think similarly want to give me props for my humble little obsession, it really makes me quite happy.

First -

THANKS STEPH!!!

I was honoured with this award by Steph Gas at it's never too late to save a hopeless case.

She wrote, and I quote:

"i'm passing this one on to stephaniec who writes seriously?? reeeally? seriously?.  not only is she honest with us, but i think stephc is pretty honest with herself on that blog.  plus?  she has THE BEST NAME."

Wicked awesome, you made my day!

Also,

THANKS JESS!

I think it stands for "I Don't Give A Flinstone"

I was given this fine and stylish award by jess over at not your average joan of archetypal patterns.

She wrote, and I quote:

"For those of you keeping count (so, me.) this would be blog award number 2 for me! The first came from Seriously?...Reeeally?...Seriously? (I was supposed to pass that one on, but I cracked under the pressure!)

So, because she forgave me for not passing on her award, and because she rocks and speaks her mind, I am returning the love, and passing the IDGAF award to her.  Rock on, my Canadian blogger friend! Rock.  On."

I will need to figure out what rules there are (if any) and who I will pass these along to. I will post more later.

Thank you, lovely ladies. I like to think I generally don't hold back, but there are downsides to that. I think you are both more honest than I am, but I am working towards really embracing this stuff and blogging as honestly (and humorously) as I can. 

One thing is for sure - I won't hold back on making fun of myself. Would my therapist  BF  friends approve? Likely not. But some of that shizz is just too good not to post. lol. I have to laugh at myself. Especially before someone else does first. HA!

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44 Baboons, Bitches!

First off, I was tagged and given some blog love from AmberLaShell Rants, and wanted to say thanks and give a shout back! Thanks Amber ;-)

So here is some randomness for lack of anything better inside my brain.

I saw this quiz over at Shatty Blaaagh (created by Oatmeal) and had to take it.

Just so you are aware:


Created by Oatmeal

Also:


Created by Oatmeal

I have to admit, I feel a little sorry for that lonely tapeworm, but he's gotta be one big mother-effer by now.

And that's all she wrote (for now)

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I Gotz Me An Award!

Yay!

I was awarded a "lovely blog" award from VickiLikesFrogs (formerly known as ♥ Vicki ♥ , kind of like how Prince changes his name now and again) from her blog, Glitter Frog.

Click the read more thingie below to read more-------------------------->

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