Showing posts with label pathetic life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pathetic life. Show all posts

Monday, March 12, 2012

Top 10 Ways to Live On The Motherfracking Edge...

22 COOOOOOMMENTS! Now you speak up!

The top 10 ways to live on the edge:

  1. Try driving through the public library parking lot on the first day of March break. Holymotherofgawd, children, watch where the hell you are walking!
  2. Stay up past 11pm, knowing full well your dogs will wake you 3 individual times at the crack of dawn due to newly formed separation anxiety (for your husband, and not you).
  3. Drink on a week night. (After the age of 30).
  4. Play Russian roulette with the 8 valid and 2 expired condoms in your bedside drawer, while in the dark.
  5. Hell, have sex in general.
  6. Be the envy of all your single friends when all conversations lead back to your two dogs. No matter the topic of conversation. Always dogs. ALWAYS DOGS. (Refer to #2).
  7. Put sheet glass out for bulk garbage pick up day, THE NIGHT BEFORE, giving the proverbial finger to all the teenage ne'er-do-wells that you know convene and wander your street.
  8. Attempt hot yoga without a towel, using only an acrylic sweater for sweat absorption.
  9. Ever attempt to do a shot of tequila (after the age of 19).
  10. Wait until February 29, 2012 to contribute to your RRSP.
Wow. I'm shaking just from writing that.

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