Happy 6 Years

No, no, not six years of blogging. If I had 40 followers after 6 years I would cry.

Oh, who am I kidding, these days I would cry over spilled non-dairy milk, or a video about a service dog that a friend posted on FB that was beautiful and heartbreaking all at once... that also reminded me of how much I miss my Scooby. Hell, a strong wind in the eye could bring on the waterworks.

But no, this post is a shout out to BF. He's not here with me now, but I wanted to send him all my love over the interwebs and share it with my many strangers new online friends.

I blog about the everyday things in my life, the fails, the happies, the sads, the expletive-rage-filled moments. But at the end of the day, I wouldn't be able to deal with any of it in the poor fashion that I do without his love and support.

Since I need to maintain his dignity respect his privacy, I won't go on too much about his details, but let me say this:

1. I love Lavalife because without it, I never would have met the man of my dreams (yes, I mean BF).
2. My heart wants to explode when I can make him do his louder, really-thinks-it-is-funny laugh, and I get to see his smile. (Those of you with weak stomachs or easily tripped gag reflexes may wish to navigate away from this post now...).
3. Even when he has a crappy day, he's ready to greet me with open arms at the door and a smile. (Well, we already know my days are consistently crappy as of late...)
4. I never knew I could love like this. I thought I had loved in the past, but BF "gets" me, is honest with me, and still loves me (crazy included at no additional cost). He is no bullshit, and I love it. No games, never ever a douchebag. EVER.
5. He supports me in sickness and health, with a rational mind and a considerate heart.
6. He's warm and snuggly at night time. I hate the empty bed when he is gone (unless I call Sven over, his fill in, but that is secret, so shhhhh).
7. He has the most beautiful blue eyes and I know our children are gunna be puuuurty.
8. I can't imagine a life without him and would never want it. He means the world to me, and I love him with all my heart.
9. He is so smart, he knows the volume of a cylinder? sphere? off the top of his head! (That was what sealed the deal, during one of the many times when I was perplexed in college and he rattled off the formula over the phone - no Googling!)
10. He's a fine piece of ass. (HA! I had to say that just to embarrass him totally. Even though it's true.)

I LOVE YOU!!!

Photographic evidence of my happiness whilst snuggling in his arms. See? I didn't lie there.

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Washroom Issues - An Actual Email To My Male Co-Workers

An actual email I sent to my male co-workers with whom I share a washroom. (I'm working on some other posts, but need to get my ass to bed.) You may note I have been on a washroom-related streak lately. Perhaps I need some psychological counselling on that one. Just trying to provide you with a little life
humor

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Email
TO: Office Staff


Hi Y'all.

This needs to be said.

Please lift the seat when you pee. There was piss all over the seat when I just went in there, along with poo remnants.

This was not in the original email... I included it just for YOU!!  Image Source

I had to plunge the toilet to flush after only peeing. (That might be the fault of the cleaning lady - apparently she flushes large stuff down toilets instead of just throwing shizz out).

Moral of the story:

• Please lift the seat to pee, even if you think you have awesome aim ('cause you don't and/or you have bad eyes).
• NOTE: You may end up sitting in your own pee if you use the washroom next time for a "non-pee".
• If the toilet is clogged, please don't pretend it isn't happening - the plunger is right there. Just push that sucker down over the drain hole. It WILL work. I usually rinse it in the sink or shower then leave it in the shower to dry off (yes we have a shower at our work, it's a weird, long story).
• I will ask our receptionist to tell the cleaning lady again not to flush crazy stuff down the toilet! (My understanding is that this has happened many times before on the Friday morning after cleaning night).
• WASH YOUR HANDS! With SOAP! (and if you don't, then don't even bother using water alone. Instead, use the toilet with the door open so you don't dirty stuff and we don't have to touch the dirty taps and dirty doorknob). I will forward this to [Company Owner] to ensure your expense cheques are held back if you do not comply with this new rule.
• TELL [DIRTY SUBCONTRACTOR GUY WE USE] to WASH HIS HANDS! Seriously - time the toilet flush to the door opening. Sounds like he doesn't even fasten his pants.
• If you pee on the seat - wipe it up! At least it is your own pee! It is super disgusting if I have to do it. Especially if there is unintended seepage on that toilet paper wipe of the seat. I don't want Office-Guy-Pee on my fingers! Grossness!!
• Soon I will be enforcing random full body sanitizer, using pails of hand sanitizing gel. You will not be forewarned as to the date and time. (It will be like when the sports team wins the game and the coach gets the cooler surprisingly poured onto him. Consider yourself warned).

There may be some humour and sarcasm in here. There is definitely some seriousness. Please note which one is which.

Thank you and have a good weekend.

Stephanie

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Reasons To Feel Awesome

I have been feeling totally and utterly not creative, have had some low page hits, and think I have horrified many actual adult friends I have through Facebook with my last few posts...


Reasons to feel awesome:

• BF abso-frikken-lutely made my day Saturday when he looked me over before we left the house and he said "you are SO skinny" and smiled. Then we took (clothed) photos to document it because I told him I'll be back to overweight soon enough so I'd better get photographic evidence. Thank you skinny jeans and ill health.

 

• Being able to wear skinny jeans at any time of the month and pull it off.
• When you get new blog followers, comments, and a high page view count when you are having a rotten day. Hoping you made at least a few other people chuckle, either at you or with you, whatever.
• Having the once in a lifetime chance to see Eastern Africa, mountain gorillas, and make eye contact not once, but twice, with the silver back gorilla.

Real, live, wild silver back in the Virunga Mountains in Rwanda (in Parc de Volcanes)

• When you are having a piss-poor year, few months, months, weeks, week, day, seventeen months and are too sick to go into work, and you come out of the bedroom to discover a beautiful necklace charm secretly and sweetly purchased by BF and given by surprise for no particular reason.
• Feeling loved.
• Going for a Harbour Boat Cruise, and successfully photobombing at least 4 separate groups of tourists' photos (after barfing, then galloping around with my fingers to my nose, simulating a rhinoceros because I wanted the stuffed animal version in the nearby shop, much to BF's chagrin). 

The vicious humanceros, rarely spotted by the Toronto Harbourfront. Beware!!

Um, so, yeah in Kenyan Walking Zoos, they don't care much for "waivers", "safety", "fencing", or "keep a safe distance from the huge mothereffing rhino". The Zookeeper INVITED us over the fence. For reals.

See why I love Africa? That is BF with the heart over his face. P.S. - Notice the gut (this photo was from over a year ago) mine, not his, he doesn't have one. Nor the rhino. I so wanted to hop on and shout "GIDDY UP!"

• When your dog's tail wags and wags and bangs the walls, and he runs around all excited because you finally came home (after 5 hours), even though he prefers BF's company.

 Some reasons to feel slightly-less-than-awesome:

• When your only sibling doesn't invite you to your mother's birthday dinner with the combination of the following excuses: "never even thought about it", "it was decided the night before and was therefore last minute" (she lives 35 minutes away) and "I assumed she had plans". I will be sure to give her my home phone, cell phone and email address for future birthdays. And perhaps remind her that she has a sister.
• When your work tells you if you aren't back working full time by December, that they will be finding your replacement and firing you when they legally can. 
• When you look in the mirror and your hair looks like mine does.
• Realizing you place way too much emphasis on weight and/or appearance.
• When you have a case of crippling diarrhea. 

That is all for now. I swear I am working on better stuff.
Okay, not really, this is it.

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seriously really seriously blog

http://seriouslyreallyseriously.blogspot.com/

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