Irrational Hatred #2 - Devil Spawn Thread

Some of you may be aware that I, sometimes, hold completely insane/maniacal/intense hatreds for relatively inane, everyday things. (Although, in fairness, Michael Bublé is f*cking annoying as f*ck! Inane nothing! GAH!).

These things typically result in an overwhelming and inexplicable outpouring of rage.

This little jean-label-thread-thing here is a hatred I have held for a loooooong time.

RAAAAAAAAAAAAAWR!

Those little threads? Devil spawn, I tell you. Some jeans have them on the back waistband, the pockets, the zipper, up the legs... (okay, not really, but whatever. I hate them).

Some people think that as long as the label is removed, all is well. Those people are WRONG.

Annoys the absolute FUCK dickens out of me.

If I am standing behind you in a line up somewhere and see those little buggers, I am SO tempted to try to rip them out by hand (in vain) to get them to disappear.

They.Drive.Me.Batshit.Crazy.Er.

I bought two new pairs of jeans the other night and the FIRST this I did was get the sharp-pointy scissors to disembowel the threads.

THREADS BE DAMNED!

It's amazing the emotion I hold for these things.
Sometimes my own weirdness even freaks ME out~!


So keep an eye on your waistbands and asses, folks. If I see them, YOUR ASS IS MINE. I can be anywhere and everywhere. And if there are threads, you are NOT safe.

Fair warning.

VICTORY IS MINE!! And yes, I got the jeans on sale. You guys know me BY NOW!

___

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When Paying For Bottle Service....

Make sure you get the last drop.

May or may not be me. Also? The button designated says "FLIRT".

WHAT?!?!

Like you haven't all done this at LEAST once before.

Oh... you haven't? Oh. Erm... okay.


Please disregard.






___

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Old Men & Socks

I know what you're thinking.

That title sounds mysteriously close to "old men and sex"... but you should get your bloody mind out of the gutter, sicko.

Wait, what? You weren't thinking that?

Okay, sorry.

I have made mention many a time within the last week or two to Feyoncé™ that old men have this need to pull their socks up to their armpits when wearing socks and running shoes (tennis shoes, sneakers, gym shoes, whatever the masses call them).

I absolutely do not understand this phenomenon, and trust me, it's EVERYWHERE.

Older men have a fear of shin exposure.

My thoughts?


If you wanted to wear pants, you should have worn pants, buddy.

The only other conclusion? Perhaps they think they look sexy in them, like this:

SPOILER ALERT: You do NOT look sexy like this in long socks.

I think I finally convinced my own (very youthful!) father that he should at least push them down a little... you know, schuschz them down a bit, so they don't look like lederhosen-gone-wild.


He also blew my mind by adopting "Jesus sandals" and possibly CROCS to take the garbage out, motherfuckers! CROCS! That is when I KNEW those things must be comfortable. I was happy to see him establish independence from his tube sock dependency.

It CAN be done, people of the blogosphere. He is walking proof. Walking proof without a sock tan up to his kneecaps. Thanks Dad!




I know you would never go the route of ankle socks, but I swear they are awesome with running shoes. 

You can't even see these mysterious socks with runners, but they prevent blisterage. LISTEN OLD MEN!

I think older men of the world should, nay, MUST free themselves of the chains that bind them - you know, the white tube socks that force their calves and ankles to sweat in this heat. 

Let your legs be free my friends! Embrace the sandal! There are so many months for you to be hunkered down in pants and socks and closed-in shoes!


Be FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

[EDIT: Compression stocking-wearers excluded!!]

But then again, don't bear too much toe cleavage. That's just gross.

Why I would never work with people's feet. *shudder*

Just find the balance, okay?






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